once.in.a.while


AMERICAN tourist asking the boatman in a boat while crossing the river:

Tourist: Do you know Biology, Psychology and Geology?

Boatman: Sorry, sir.

I don’t know.

Tourist: What the hell do you know?

You will die of illiteracy!

Later on, the boat had a leak and started to sink.

Boatman: Do you know Swim-ology and Escapology from the Crocodiology?

Tourist: No!

Boatman smiled and said: Well, today you will die of Lunod-o-logy!

***

More Chinese names:

Born at night — Andy Lim

Born blind — Kenneth Sy

Born fat — Bob Uy

Born tiny — Kathy Ting

Born on Sunday — Lyn Go

Born with picture — Lara Huan

Born with sweets — Ken Dy

Born secretly — Tina Go

Born normal — Nat Ting Wong

Born choosy — Ma. Pea Lee

***

Bumisita si Kumpare doon sa isang kaibigan.

Pare ko, believe ako sa iyo. Punong-puno ng maraming mga hi-tech tools at gadgets. Binili mong lahat iyan?”

Hindi pare ko, libre lahat iyon.”

Maniwala ako sa iyo. Papaano nangyari iyon.”

Ganito iyon, pare ko. Marami akong mga kaibigan. Bawat isa ay hinihiraman ko nga mga tools. Tapos hindi ko isusuli.”

Pero papaano kung oras na gagamitin na nila?”

Paglipas ng isang winter, frozen ang memory nila at hindi nila maala-ala kung sino ang nanghiram. Pagkatapos, siyempre mapipilitang bibili ulit sila ng bago.”

Nakakahiya ka pare, huwag na huwag kang manghihiram sa akin. Hudas ka!

Hindi lang yan, pare ko. Pag gusto mong humiram ng pera, pumunta ka kay Pareng Isko. Kahit hindi mo siya bayaran.”

Ay sus, bakit naman?”

Kasi may dementia siya. Malilimutan niya ang mga pautang!”

***

One day a father gets out of work, and on his way home remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.

He dashes over to a toy shop and asks the salesperson: “How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?”

The salesperson returns: “Which one do you mean, Sir?”

“We have Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $199.95.”

The amazed father asks: “How much?! Why is the divorced Barbie $199.95 and the others only $19.95?”

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs and answers: “Sir, the other Barbies only come with an outfit. Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture, Ken’s computer and one of Ken’s best friends.”

***

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!”

His wife, not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer, “What the Hell is this?” he said to himself as a little “dust” cloud appeared as he shook them out.

“Honey, he hollered into the bathroom, “Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”

She replied with a snicker, “It’s not talcum powder. It’s Miracle Grow!”

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